My first experience with The Void was entirely accidental.
The memory of that moment is almost tangible for me, because it was a moment that changed the course of my life forever. I was living in Hawaii and had just gotten into a big fight with my then boyfriend. I went for a drive, looping around the island while sobbing endlessly.
I was so unhappy, depressed, and lost.
I’d been fighting to “find myself” for years, and wasn’t getting anywhere. I felt like a failure who just wanted to give up. Parked at an overlook on the south end of Oahu, I cried so hard I almost couldn’t catch my breath. And that’s when it happened. I accidentally, without any effort, slipped and fell into The Void. I moved through that pocket that felt like death and darkness and emptiness— like I would simply disappear and never return—and moved immediately into a place of total peace.
Suddenly… I was calm.
It was almost like an out of body experience where I was still aware of myself sitting in the car at that overlook, yet my whole being, soul, and self felt like they were floating out amongst the Universe. I felt true peace, and this clear sense that everything was just as it should be. More importantly, I had this unclouded connection to my true self… seeing and feeling who I was at my core in a way I never had before. It was this joyful, creative, purposeful awareness that brought me to life in all the ways I’d craved, but could never cultivate for myself.
Everything I’d been fighting and failing to create was alive inside me in that moment.
Time seemed to come to a halt, and I clung to the experience for as long as I could. And when it finally passed, I calmly drove myself home, bewildered by what had just happened… but holding onto that vision and feeling as tightly as possible. This experience of slipping and falling through The Void changed everything.
For the first time in my life, I had a clear sense of what it meant to have purpose. To know what I was working towards and who I was meant to become. It served as a guidepost that began pulling me forward, up and out of this depressed darkness that held me for most of my life. Also for the first time, I had a true sense that I was connected to something greater than myself.
I had trust and faith in a benevolent Universe—some spirited, wise, all-knowing source—and knew that everything was going to be okay if I just committed to closing the gap between where I was and what I’d felt inside that moment.
This experience repeated itself for many years.
Every time I'd reach the guidepost I envisioned, I would have another (albeit less intense and dramatic) experience of slipping and falling through The Void, connecting with the next guidepost.
It allowed me to truly create massive shifts in my life, work, and relationships… because I finally felt and understood what exactly it was that I was working to create. I had a deeper level of knowing, beyond that of intellect, external “shoulds,” and arbitrary goals.
This source, deep inside The Void, allowed me to connect to my own intuitive wisdom, create more powerfully, and serve my audience in a deeper way. It allowed me to connect with the most amazing tribe of friends, and I felt seen and appreciated for who I really was.
I began to truly blossom, built a thriving and successful business with a decent sized team, and was finally doing the work I felt like I was here to do. Life was good. So very, very good.
Until the end of 2014… when grief sucker punched me in the back of the head.
When my very recent ex-boyfriend decided to take his own life as I vacationed with my family for the holidays, loss knocked the wind straight from my body and brought me to my knees. Literally, standing my mom’s garage in the middle of the night while talking to a detective and trying not to wake up everyone up with my shocked, heartbroken tears.
I remember that moment clearly, because it was the moment I cracked so far open, pieces of me went missing, some of them permanently.
Everything about me, my life, my business, and my path changed in a single instant.
In ways I wouldn’t understand for years to come, and that would test and challenge me more than anything.
In fact, the trauma of this loss broke me, also literally.
Over the following months my brain began deteriorating rapidly. To the point that I couldn’t put my own life story in order, let alone remember what I did the day before. I would sit in front of my computer and just cry, because I couldn’t remember half the clients on my list, nor could I remember how to code websites… something I’d been doing well and often for years. I had PTSD and it was bad.
When I couldn’t handle one more day, I asked a friend and mentor if he could help. We immediately scheduled a healing process, and after two incredibly intense and painful hours, I woke up the next day with most of my memory and the ability to work again.
During this experience I learned that this particular process worked with the concept of The Void.
The idea that all of the good stuff we’re seeking exists just beyond this pocket of nothingness… that terrifying space of unknown, darkness, and depth we’re often too afraid to explore, because it can feel like we’re actually dying. It’s by moving through this pocket that we connect with what we’re seeking. Truth, peace, love, purpose, trust, faith, source, and divine wisdom.
I became obsessed with this concept of dropping through The Void. Because in my life, it’s proved to be everything in creating what I desire. In healing. In finding purpose. In knowing who I am and who I’m becoming. The Void is terrifying and magical and the gateway everything amazing.
In addition to discovering a name for an experience I’d come across accidentally, I was introduced to The Hero’s Journey, a narrative pattern created by Joseph Campbell. It consists of twelve core steps and three essential phases that are the basis of every myth, story, book, or movie. The Hero’s Journey also works with this concept of The Void—that moment we cross the threshold into the deep underbelly of our journey (or “adventure”), facing death and rebirth, and being called to grow in truly challenging and life changing ways.
I began to study this narrative pattern, and again, became utterly obsessed.
The Hero’s Journey began to serve as a framework for how to truly rise up and come back from the most awful, heartbreaking chapter of my life. It was the missing piece I needed to finally choose to pull myself out of the grips of grief, to do the healing work, and to understand the purpose of the path I was walking. And not just “everything happens for a reason and one day you’ll see all the good and gifts and blah blah blah…” It was a key that not only served my own healing and recovery, but made clear what was next for me in every area of my life.
It served as a much needed map in a confusing and chaotic time, filled with unknowns.
Since all of the discoveries and work, I’ve learned so much about what it means to truly rise up and come back from the darkest, hardest chapters of our lives.
And it’s not just about coming back, it’s about what happens once you do, because the journey has altered you at your core.
How do you now navigate your relationships? Your work? Your sense of self? How do you reorient to the world around you in a way that serves your continual growth and honors who you’ve become in the process? How do you take the lessons and the gifts and integrate them in a lasting way? How do you actually step into what’s next for who you've become? The work… the new way of being… the most supportive relationships?
This is the fun and incredibly challenging part!
For me, this looked like ending my relationship with a man I had believed was the love of my life, pulling down seven years of content and programs from my website, stepping away from all expectation and obligation, and extricating myself from relationships and experiences that were no longer aligned.
It was the setting of new boundaries that supported my highest good… whatever that meant in each area of my life, as well as each individual relationship. It was also a heap of untangling around the core patterns, beliefs, and wounds that had been running me since childhood, all so I could clean the slate that was “me” and create a blank canvas for a life… fully ready and able to step into what was alway meant to come next.
If you're ready to begin navigating into a more aligned life path after a challenging chapter or big life transition, Call of the Void® is designed to support you in doing exactly that.
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